Monday, September 6, 2010

Looking Forward

By sharing my story with you here, I am simply sharing my way out of the Hell of having lost one of the great loves of my life. I assure you, you must MOVE ON. There is a dear little soul that NEEDS YOU to stop experiencing your 'agony of loss' so that you can share as much of this glorious life together, as you can. Don't waste another day thinking about it because the clock is ticking. Remember this one little trick... force yourself to 'LOOK FORWARD' and there, in front of you, if you will see it! There will be 'Love and JOY' again. I don't want to sound like I'm preaching but with all the love in my heart, I tell you... TAKE THE FIRST STEP and the universe will NOT LET YOU DOWN - I promise.

My story... I had such 'heart-break' over losing Cairo, in June, to cancer, after only a year. My irrational, human heart just could not grasp the unfairness of it all. She had had a horrid first 8 years of life before she came to me, and she worked so hard in her year with me to unwind all of the damage that had been done to her. She succeeded. She did feel trust and she knew she was safe for the first time in her life. We cherished every minute we spent together.

I thought I had woken up in a twisted nightmare the day I heard that she was 'terminal'. It totally messed me up. I could NOT function. I felt I had absolutely no hope of ever finding the 'Love' again; the 'Cairo-love.' As a result, I told myself I would never go through the pain of losing an animal again. "No other dog would be the same," is what I told myself... and then, thanks to Cairo's original Foster Mom's advice, I returned to BRAT's site.

My picture of what I was looking for (in terms of another Basenji) was not clear. My heart wept when I saw all those little faces - all I wanted was to find Cairo on one of those pages - but at the same time those 'faces' spoke to me, forcing me to move forward to keep going and to keep contacting Foster parents, even just to share my grief with someone who understood. BRAT's incredible organization of kind people were so filled with compassion-- I can't even describe how much. Looking back now, I can see that this is where my 'healing' started, with them. I received condolence cards and heard stories about similar losses. I didn't feel so 'alone' in my unbearable grief about the unfairness of Cairo's unjust passing... and that helped, if only a little.

Then, one of those 'miracles' happened... the kind you're not expecting but you know that 'God' is working on your side. 'Tula' showed up out of nowhere. As her story goes, she was rescued the exact same week Cairo passed. I know it sounds crazy, but I really do believe that Cairo sent Tula to me, through some sort of 'higher' network on the 'other side.' The 'one year' I had with Cairo, came to me in this 'one year old' B-girl. Now the essence of 'Love & Joy' can carry on where Cairo and I left off. I would have missed 'Tula' if I hadn't forced myself to start looking again.

All I know is that I am smiling again and so is the little face looking up at me. 'Love' comes in so many many ways and to think I may have stayed in agonizing sadness 'forever', if I hadn't taken that first step FORWARD. Here are a few photos of my beautiful Cairo, who grown wings - and also of my new little angel, Tula. As you can see, Tula is settling in after one week. She is the sweetest little rascal B-girl and she has filled my heart with Joy again. She has that insatiable Basenji sense of humor - although I think the chipmunks and squirrels may not find her as 'entertaining' as I do! lol

Tula's Mom


  1. Thank you for sharing!! What a wonderful story of healing. And from a fellow basenji person - thank you for loving again.

  2. Great story. I do think that our dogs have a sense about their lives and they help us get past the grief by enabling us to "find" a new canine child (preferably a Basenji) to come into our lives. I lost my B-mix Whizzer on July 4, 2007 due to the pet food. I then found Maizey on July 5th as she arrived at the shelter and then Whizzer "helped" guide me to Sophie ( my Brat rescue) who is a true Basenji ( aka Devil Dog) I think Whizzer is in doggie heaven laughing her self silly as she made me a Basenji mother for life!

  3. Thanks Cheryl and Sandy, I know what you mean about your other dogs who are in doggie heaven 'laughing as they made us B-Mom's for life'! lol

  4. Tula has the sweetest face! I would fall in love hard if I were to look at that face all day. I'm glad she found you.