Two years...a lifetime to go

May 11 will mark two years since Macy melted my heart to become my second failed foster.  Like Roxy before her, her origins are unknown.  Her circumstances coming into a shelter were sad.  She was found locked in a shed at an abandoned house.  She was lactating, but no puppies were found. She spent time in a shelter before BRAT pulled her.  I've written before about the sadness that wafts over her at times.  

When I look at her, I cannot imagine how someone let her go.  She is beautiful, a darker red with great markings.  She is small by basenji standards.  She has never been a moment’s trouble: fully house trained, crate trained, not house destructive, doesn’t dig, walks well on a leash, sits at the front door before going out; a dream foster and failed foster.

As with all my fosters who were strays pulled from a shelter, I wonder about her origins and I have my own theories, but the truth is, I will never know. However, I catch glimpses of her past occasionally.  She is hand shy; she will cower if I move to pet her too quickly.  While that is disappearing, it still happens.

What may never disappear is her fear of thunderstorms.  We’ve had two huge storms in the past week.  This precious pup, who never sleeps with me in bed, comes running at the first clap of thunder.  She cowers under the covers, plastered to my side and stays until the storm has passed, then it’s back to sleep on the couch.   

During these times, I really begin to wonder: was she a puppy mill mother kept outside and forced to produce pups?  Was she kept chained up outside?  Was she caught outside in a fierce storm while a stray and had nowhere to go?

It makes me sad when she is frightened.  She doesn’t deserve it.  I will never have the answers to her past; I can only give her a safe, secure and unconditionally loved future.